Baby # 4...

I don't know where to start, or how to begin.  And I'm not a good writer either.
But here I go.

  4 weeks ago, we had our ultrasound.

It's a boy!  Just like I've known from the very beginning.

During the ultrasound there were 3 things that didn't seem "normal".

A little extra fluid in the brain

Opening and Closing of the hands  

A subtle heart problem

I had an amniocentesis{a test which produces 99.4 % accurate results}to determine if our child had any chromosomal abnormalities.  We were very shocked, surprised and heartbroken that something could be wrong. 

After waiting 7 days for the results, the phone call came on February 16th.

Our unborn child tested positive for

Trisomy 21.  Down syndrome.

The weight of the news was devastating.  So many thoughts and emotions.  How could my body have failed at creating this life inside me?

The scripture for this years Young Women theme kept running through my mind..."Be strong and of a good courage.  Be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." Joshua 1:9

And the song we had prepared to sing for our Young Women New Beginnings..."at all times, in all things, in all places, we will be strong and courageous"

 I kept telling myself, 'be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed, the Lord is with me.'

This scripture gives me much strength.

I know the Lord has a plan for each of us.  He knows me and loves me.  This is our plan.

It was hard to accept that.  Really hard.

But through lots of prayer, I am at peace knowing that the Lords hand is involved in this.  Through him, I can be strong and courageous.

My doctor reassured me that this is nothing Kevin or I did to make this happen.  It occurred at conception.  A "molecular accident", as they refer to it.

 I know this is the Lord's plan for us.  And I have faith in his plan.  Faith that this is God's will.  Faith in what will be, will be.

And now after that painful process of grieving the loss of a normal life for our child, I feel at peace.  It is faith and trust in the Lord that gives me this peace. I am SO grateful to have the knowledge before he arrives that he has Down syndrome.  So I can be ready to love him as he is.  Prepared to start this journey with an open heart and open arms.

  People with Down syndrome can be so loving and sweet.  I am humbled at the thought of what his sweet spirit will add to our family.  He will bring pure love and joy to our home.  The example he'll be to my other children of a Christ like love.  I know he will bond us in many special ways.

I'm in a happy place now.  A place of acceptance.  Yes, I know that we have many days ahead of us that will bring us ups and downs.   And that's okay.  We will deal with those as they come.  With our great support of family and friends who love us.

In learning many things about Down syndrome, some things have been very eye opening for me.  I'm 31.

80% of babies with Down syndrome are born to mothers under the age of 35.

And the average maternal age is 28.

Who knew?  I've always thought of women in their 40's having babies with Down syndrome.  I guess it's just because their odds are higher.

I can't help but to feel grateful for the 3 beautiful healthy children I already have.

Life is precious.  Children are precious. Sometimes I feel as if I can't consume the joy of them enough.

So what now?

This will be like a regular pregnancy.  A few more tests and ultrasounds until he arrives.

His true condition can't really be determined until he is here.  Depending on his health and reaching milestones, growing, and developing will help us know how high functioning he will be.  Hopefully with early intervention, he can be higher functioning.  But we'll have to wait and see.  Each person with Down syndrome is so different.

I don't think I have ever written this much on my blog.  But it needed to be done.  For me.  His little life will be documented here.  He will be apart of us in every way.  I can't wait to meet and get to know this special spirit that is coming to our home.  I already feel so much love for him.

We have had so much heartfelt support from family and friends.  It has been so nice.  Emails, phone calls and flowers.  Those things really helped carry us through that grieving process.  So thoughtful.  

What great examples they have been to me of service. 

Thank You for all your support and prayers.