ago today, I received a phone call that would change my life.
The test results of my amniocentesis.
I remember this day so clearly.
"...the test results came back positive for Trisomy 21, Down syndrome"
Suddenly new words entered my soon to be regular vocabulary and I scribbled them across my note book as the Doctor spoke to me. Trisomy 21, Down syndrome, Fetal Echocardiogram, Pediatric Geneticist, Utah Down syndrome Foundation.
The shock, the pain, the devastation, the tears, the mourning. I remember it so clearly that if I think about the details of that day, it brings me to tears. It's a kind of pain you wish you never had to feel. I'm certain I will have moments of that pain for the rest of Frankie's life as I will be faced with the reality of his condition. The intense love I have for him just increases that pain to a whole new level. Wanting so much more for him. But holding his soft body in my arms and kissing his rosy checks, the pain fades and is buried deep within me.
I had no idea how much love I could have for him or for Down syndrome.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to really explain how I feel. I love it and hate it. But love it a little bit more.
So far, Down syndrome in a baby is the best thing in the whole wide world!
At 8 months old his body just snuggles up to mine so willingly.
He definitely knows I'm his mama and is beginning to show emotion towards my comings and going.
He loves me
and the fact that I can see it and feel it in our interaction makes me feel like the luckiest mama in the world!
The words of one of my favorite nursery songs (by Allison Krauss) beautifully sums up how I feel about him
Baby Mine -
(Disney Movie Dumbo)
Baby mine, don't you cry.
Baby mine, dry your eyes.
Rest your head close to my heart,
never to part, baby of mine.
Little one, when you play,
pay no heed what they say.
Let your eyes sparkle and shine,
never a tear, baby of mine.
If they knew all about you,
they'd end up loving you, too.
All those same people who scold you,
what they'd give just for the right to hold you.
From your hair down to your toes,
you're not much, goodness knows.
But, you're so precious to me,
sweet as can be, baby of mine.
Baby mine, dry your eyes.
Rest your head close to my heart,
never to part, baby of mine.
Little one, when you play,
pay no heed what they say.
Let your eyes sparkle and shine,
never a tear, baby of mine.
If they knew all about you,
they'd end up loving you, too.
All those same people who scold you,
what they'd give just for the right to hold you.
From your hair down to your toes,
you're not much, goodness knows.
But, you're so precious to me,
sweet as can be, baby of mine.
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25 comments:
Frankie is such a beautiful baby!! You are one lucky mamma!!!
Oh he is such a cutie! We love him so much! I think my kids already know he is a special little spirit! They talk about him all of the time.
Those bathtub photos are SO cute! Especially the one where he's looking at his little hand... love it!
This post brought tears to my eyes. When I was pregnant with my son, I had some genetic tests done because my brother and his wife had a baby born with anacephaly and club foot and cleft palate. They came back to me saying I had a 1% chance of my baby having Down Syndrome. I remember thinking the same things you were thinking. Of course we would keep the baby, go full term. He was ours and we would love him no matter what. And 1% is really NOTHING. But it was devastating, nonetheless. Our baby did not end up being born with Downs, but reading your post made me feel all those feelings again. You are a very special person that I believe God has chosen to care for your precious baby boy. He is adorable. Just thought I would let you know, youre post really touched me. :)
Frankie is so adorable!! Lucky family to have him in your home!
Totally crying. I have a baby 9 months old, I have been following your blog through both of our pregnancies. This makes me want to find all the Down Syndrome kids in the word and bring them into my home. We all just want our kids to feel loved and be accepted. Frankie is lucky to have 3 siblings who will be that love and acceptance no matter what the world may throw at him.
If we lived near you (I have no idea where you live but since I havent ever run into you at our local Target or Costco I assume it's far away from me) I would want our little boys to be great friends.
What a beautiful post! That sweet smile just melts your heart! I don't know how you get anything done! He is blessed to get to be your baby!! Love you all!
Amy what a nice post. You and Kevin are wonderful parents, and we grand parents love little so much, we look forward to many fun years with Frankie. Love you, DAD
FYI... the playgroup was organized through a new yahoo group that Jodi (not sure if you know her - she doesn't have a blog) created. If you haven't heard about it, go to http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/UFTBDS/ to join, or email Jodi for an 'invite' at jodi2spain@comcast.net - I think we're going to try to do playdates twice a month and mom's night out once a month... I'll do a post about it :)
He is perfect. Tell him to stop growing.
He is SO CUTE..We all love him..
Oh my goodness, your little guy is ADORABLE!!! I remember the day we found out clearly. Not a good day but what came from it is truly amazing!
Oh... pure sweetness! He is DARLING! Hope to get to know you very soon! I have 4 kiddos and my little boy who will be 3 in May has Down syndrome. What a blessing he is!
he is so cute I want to eat him up!!! I have never really noticed the words to that song...it is so cute!
Oh your little man is delicious! I'm excited to see you at one of our playgroups!
Frankie is so cute! I saw your message on UFTDS and came to visit. Baby mine (tears) it's mine and Porter's earliest lullaby and it really does say it all.
Frankie is so sweet. Those little pictures in the tub are priceless!
Oh my gosh, I LOVE that song. I would listen to it at night with Sam when he would still let me rock him to sleep. I used to cry at the words and hold him even tighter. Loved your thoughts, thanks for sharing. He is absolutely adorable.
Amy, what a sweet post. Totally makes my eyes water! You are a wonderful mother and Frankie is absolutely precious.
Oh what a sweet baby Frankie is and I love his name! I have a 3 1/2 year daughter who also has DS named Macy. I didn't have a pre-natal diagnosis but I remember so well the fears and grief that came when we found out at her birth about the DS. I hope to meet you at one of the DS playgroups or Moms nights! It is so nice to be able to talk with other moms who "get it". I also have 2 boys and 2 girls, it's a great combo of kids!
Emily
hamula.blogspot.com
Thanks for sharing Amy. You are an amazing mom.
I feel as I read your feelings you write my feelings. Your son is so handome. My dughter Dylan is 14 mo and she truly is my world. I also have a 2 1/2 year old son and he is the best big brother. The way he loves his sister is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I hope to get to know you and shair our journey together.
You have such a beautiful little boy. I cant imagine what you and your family are going through, but GOD always has a plan for us!!! Im a new follower so I look forward to reading about you and your super cute family. Thank you for sharing your ups, downs, ins, and outs with us :) God Bless.....
That is such a sweet post. Frankie is such a beautiful little boy and all your kids are lucky to have you for their Mama. The words of that song really touched me.
You are so blessed. Isn't it amazing how much we want our children to learn from us and really how much we learn from our children!
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